Don't Take It Personally!^®
The Art of Dealing with Rejection

Introduction: Sometimes You Don't Even Know What Hit You

• Take It Seriously but Not Personally
  
• Reweave Your Tapestry of Experiences
  
• How to Use This Book

Part One: Zeroing In on the Problem

1 Maybe I Can't Name It, but I Know It When I Feel It
The Many Faces of Rejection

• Alex's Story/Louisa's Story/Gene and Maureen's Story
  
• Different Strokes for Different Folks
  
• Who's Responsible Here?
  
• It Might Be Time to Readjust Your Emotional Filter
  
• It Just Isn't Fair!
  
• Don't Judge Me
  

2 I Wouldn't Talk to Someone Else the Way I Talk to Myself
Self-Rejecting Messages

• I'd Like Myself Better If I Could Just Be Someone Else
  
• Do You Listen to the Things You Tell Yourself?
  

3 Tiptoeing through Minefields
Communication Breakdowns

• Trading Roles
  
• A Matter of Upbringing
  
• Acting Out
  
• Did They Really Mean What You Think They Said?
  
• How to Check Things Out with Someone
  

4 If You Care About Me, You'll Read My Mind
Expectations and Disappointments

• Repeating Patterns Can Get Tiresome
  
• Scratch the Surface of Complaining and What Do You Find?
  
• Do You Expect Too Much of Others?
  
• Do You Expect Too Much of Yourself?

5 I Never Want to Be Hurt Like That Again
Avoiding the Pain

• Expecting the Pain
  
• Taking Pains to Avoid the Pain

Part Two: Identifying Those Old Hurts

6 You're More Trouble Than You're Worth
Subtle and Not So Subtle Messages

• Fear, Anxiety, and Rejection
  
• Parental Inaction
  
• The Psychological Effects of Abuse
  
• Identifying Your Childhood Messages

7 Grandma Passes Down More Than Just Her China
Cultural and Generational Messages

• The Cyclical (and Reciprocal) Nature of Rejection
  
• Good Kid/Bad Kid
  
• The Messages Resonate

8 Eating the Leftovers
The Power of Mealtime Messages

• Pass the Rejection, Please
  
• Mealtime Sketches
  
• Mealtime Revisited

9 Friends Today, Gone Tomorrow
Peer Rejection Messages

• Discrimination Has Lots of Faces
  
• When the Table Turn: From Bully to Victim
  
• Sibling Skirmishes
  
• A Beacon of Light

Part Three: Making Changes, Moving On

10 Keeping One Foot In and One Foot Out
Learning to Depersonalize Messages

• Resilience
  
• All About Me

11 Just Who Do You Think You Are?
Keeping Boundaries Clean and Clear

• Boundary Rules
  
• Boundary Confusion
  
• Boundary Skills
  
• Boundaries and Sex
  
• Boundary Boosters

12 Emptiness Is Just Space, It Need Not Be Painful
Needs versus Neediness

• Empty Spaces: To Fill or Not to Fill
  
• " Go Away a Little Closer"

13 You Mean I Really Have a Choice Here?
Learning about Options

• Choose and Lose
  
• Choose to Change
  
• Piecing Together the Pieces

14 I'm Gonna Hone My Imperfections!
Turning Stumbling Blocks into Building Blocks

• Transforming Self-Rejection into Self-Acceptance

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